if i were...

yet another tag, yet more answers... it's actually fun.


If I were a beginning, I would be: the beginning of a new era

If I were a month, I would be: july.

If I were a day of the week, I would be: tuesday.

If I were a time of day, I would be: midnight

If I were a planet, I would be: jupiter

If I were a season, I would be: monsoon

If I were a sea animal, I would be: mermaid (they exist!!)

If I were a direction, I would be: where your heart leads to

If I were a piece of furniture, I would be: a bookshelf...

If I were a sin, I would be: lust

If I were a liquid, I would be: mercury

If I were a fraud/scare, I would be: a secret

If I were a gem, I would be: ruby

If I were a tree, I would be: well cared for.

If I were a tool, I would be: as pencil

If I were a flower/plant, I would be: an orchid

If I were a kind of weather, I would be: incessant rain

If I were a musical instrument, I would be: a guitar

If I were an animal, I would be: a cat! wasn’t that one obvious?

If I were an emotion, I would be: confusion

If I were a vegetable, I would be: potato

If I were a sound, I would be: a Spanish guitar being played expertly

If I were an element, I would be: water

If I were a car, I would be: an suv

If I were a song, I would be: shine on you crazy diamond

If I were a food, I would be: chocolate mousse

If I were a place, I would be: the sea-side

If I were a material, I would be: denim

If I were a taste, I would be: chocolatey bitter sweet

If I were a scent, I would be: wet earth.

If I were a religion, I would be: love

If I were a sentence, I would be: the lunatic is on the grass

If I were a body part, I would be: lips

If I were a facial expression, I would be: a smile

If I were a subject in college, I would be: creative writing

If I were a shape, I would be: abstract

If I were a quantity, I would be: 8

If I were a colour, I would be: blue

If I were a thing, I would be: paint

If I were a landmass, I would be: an island

If I were a book, I would be: the little prince

If I were a monument, I would be: a lighthouse

If I were an artist, I would be: andy warhol

If I were a collection of poems, I would be: the captain’s verses

If I were a landscape, I would be: a beautiful one

If I were a watch, I would be: ticking away, counting the moments that make up a dull day

If I were God, I would be: bastet
If I were a vowel, I would be: I

If I were a consonant, I would be: s

If I were a formula, I would be: formula 1!!!

If I were a Science, I would be: biomedical science

If I were a theory, I would be: of relativity

If I were a famous person, I would be: roger waters

If I were an electronic equipment, I would be: an mp3 player

If I were sport, I would be: basketball

If I were a movie, I would be: star wars

If I were a cartoon, I would be: oracle

If I were an explorer, I would be: sun-tanned and at peace

If I were a scientist, I would be: louis pasteur

If I were a relation, I would be: honest

If I were a river, I would be: a fast flowing mountain stream

If I were intoxication, I would be: bhaang

If I were alone, I would be: comfort

If I were a question, then I would be: what?

If I were a hobby, I would be: walking unknown streets.

If I were a habit, I would be: chewing gum

If I were in an atom, I would be: an explosion

If I were an end, I would be: happy

If I were you, I would be: myself

moment of madness, have sacrificed my "incredibly beautiful" tresses....

the fair and the lovely

The entire “gora chamra” fixation is getting to me! With the pujas barely a month away, its amazing how nearly all my family have realized my “awful tan” and are trying their unusual best to get rid of mind, apart from the scores of fairness creams available in the market, my skin has gone through lengthy battles with multani mitti, chandan, besan, lemon, tomatoes and the like. Apart from being really, unhappy and irritated, I’m amazed to learn about everyone’s knowledge on getting “fairer” skin! Talk about prejudice!

To make things worse, last Sunday’s matrimonial column was far from its usual amusing self! Horrifyingly, every male in the country, starting from age 22 till maybe their last few days on earth, seem to be on a “heroic” quest – finding themselves the perfect Indian bride! Irrelevant of other qualities, the poor creature most definitely needs to be fair! For all one knows, the poor wretched NRI just might find himself stuck in an enclosure with his “perfect bride”, who not very surprisingly resembles a lump of lard and has brains perhaps lesser than a pea’s!

What exactly is the country coming to? What happened to respecting intelligence, charm and independence? Why do all Indian women have to feel so degraded for a patriarchal society’s perverse fetish? Why can’t women in search of a groom demand for some “fair and handsome” man, who’ll be “well built, educated and homely”?

In an act of rebellion, I have decided that t he next time someone comes close to commenting about my skin tone, I shall remind them of their age, wrinkles, et al! I shall remind them of the times their fair daughters came home crying cuz they were called “really stupid’ in school and of course, I shall gift their not so fair sons tubes of fairness creams!

And as for me, I’m perfectly sane… dark, short, ugly doesn’t really make a huge difference in my life! I’m happy the way I am… thank you! I’m an intelligent, successful woman and I don’t give a flying rat’s ass about achieving the “rare Indian beauty”! And everyone else, fair or dark, considering that you have a single brain cell, shouldn’t care either! Trust me, beauty can never be skin deep!!!

Pip! Pip!

trip...

Grim infatuation huddles in the remote alcove of my brain…I can’t
really feel much now, its more mechanical than human at this
stage…ecstatic and on a “trip” through psychedelic distortions, I am
incredibly unaware…of the thoughts that are flowing into my mind with
such ease…or maybe I am…its scary to a certain extent; how can my mind
be so active, yet so hazed…

Unnatural paraphernalia of pent up emotions,
Exploding with a million unrelenting thoughts,
Perverse melancholic memories creep up
Forming a mesh of hazy moments woven together,
Colours that blind the solace of the mind,
Basking in the warmth of confusion,
Of a mind fogged with restless thoughts.

Twisted images keep forming in the nooks and crannies of my mind; recesses I didn’t
know existed… and so far away, that these images are indefinable blurs
woven intricately with light—their voices muffled by the layers of
emotions that have been piling up for years. Not very useful these
emotions are, just human…

“Sunlight bright upon my pillow
Lighter than an eiderdown
Wishing that the weeping-willow
Winds its branches round”

… And I dream…




…loneliness…
is a mere matter of perspective. Some shy away from the desolate
darkness of solitude as thoughts echo and reverberate in the hollow
mind-- giving rise to pithy doubts, unskilled lies and moronic
insecurities…
I bask in the warmth of this darkness, confusing it
maybe but comforting in its own archaic manner. Thrilling, as new
thoughts drift into a comfortable void of unnatural silence… without
much to contradict them, apart from voices receding from the realms of
logic into ones that promise visions of kaleidoscope eyes and tangerine
trees…

“And what have you got at the end of the day ?
What have you got to take away ?
A bottle of whisky and a new set of lies
Blinds on the window and a pain behind the eyes”

Relationships
unfurl, blossoming into objects of mutual desire as stolen kisses
remain… stolen. How precious these kisses are—rare and stolen, unlike
the legitimised equipment that makes the fourteenth day of February an
annual holiday for card shops… sometimes nameless entities appeal to
the senses, far more than any other ever can… steps taken into the
darkness and you long to retrace them, and long, to return to the
warmth of the faces familiar, the touches felt and the emotions known.
You long to regain senses lost and identify faces forgotten as the
charm of the unknown devours sanity, gradually… taking care that
realisations do no occur… until of course, it is too late. And too late
it is as you reach out for that once familiar face, and realize that
submerged in guilt, your consciencedoesn’t allow you to grab the out stretched hand as you sink in the ruffled intricacies of the ego game, that keeps occuring and re-occuring, shifting from one side to the other till you realize that you are hopelessly lost… in a fascinating mindgame called love.

I’m in love… have been this way for the past three years. Took me a while
to realize it (three years is an incredibly long period of time…); but
now that I have, steps can’t be re-traced and wounds can’t be healed…
For the first time in my life, I wish to take back all the sarcatic
words that have flown out of my lips. I wish to erase all the events
that in the remotest of all possibilities could have hurt… either of
us. I long to talk, but the masks and walls obstruct conversation. I
long to explain myself… but once upon a time patience was on my side;
and acceptance did follow. But I misjudged and misutilized both. Maybe I
should give “it” time… maybe “it” should give me time… maybe wounds
will be forgotten… maybe they will be healed… maybe I should apologize,
but strangely sorry really does seem to be the hardest, funniest and
the most inappropriate word to be uttered now… and I realize…

back to blog!

The New Year has proved to be rather painful… both to my fingers and to my rapidly thinning wallet! With the innumerable messages constantly clogging up my inbox and the compulsion to reply to no.s other than the ones belonging to my beloved Tata Indicom clan is actually testing my patience… more than a month into 2007 and I still receive “HAPPY NEW YEAR” messages and sadly, am expected to reply! And the reply triggers off more questions to which I feel even more compelled to reply and a vicious circle starts, quite ignoring the other existing circles of the very same nature! And before I can even realize, it’s the awful time of the year again… when almost everyone just HAS to talk about love in the air…bleaargh! And sadly… it just means more irritating messages… and replies and corn n much related mush!

Taking a trip down memory lane, the Christmas week was… well... fun! No other word to describe lill trips to Olypub, jostling to get Christmas decors at New Market, Christmas Market, tram rides, steaming hot momos, my new red lighter (which I promptly lost...) and quite a few packs of Gold Flake Kings, being broke, yet shopping and spendingLOADSA “quality” time with two people I really love! It was fun to realize that us bongoshontans do celebrate all festivals with the same kind of frenzied enthusiasm! Be it Durga Pujo or Eid or Christmas or anything else… its all being celebrated, and surprisingly, by everyone in Kolkata!

Amidst all the alcohol and fooling around, I surprised myself… terribly! Not only did I give up my glass of Shark Tooth to go to St Paul’s cathedral, I actually sat through most of the mass and read the prayers and actually prayed… back home, I refrained from touching alcohol and actually spent more “quality time” with friends and their kid
brothers!!!!
On Christmas, I scarily did feel rather angelic!! And then… I decided to surprise myself further! I visited Kalighat! Told Sohini I have a mannat to get her to come along… but really, I just wanted to pray… for a lot of people, rather than for things. Don’t think my prayers made much of a difference. God, I believe has realized my descent down the silvery steps of hell to even pay attention. I guess he thinks I’m beyond redemption… and sadly, I believe the same…

And later I drank, and drank again and was happy and was sad and sang, and danced and got happier!!! And realized that some people are incredibly entertaining when drunk… for example,Kamalika Dutta… who really believes that she is “physically fit” cuz she “likes to move it” when drunk! As for me…I remember, but I prefer not commenting! Confessions made should not be repeated and re-repeated
especially on blogs! The discoveries made and feelings realized calls for more alcohol! But then again, considering the natural high I’m on…who needs alcohol? With the very first rains of Kolkata arriving already in February, the natural high continued… and I “discovered” more… for starters… monsters do exist! Be it at the lake… or our very own “jheel” at J.U. or the Sundarbans!! They indeed exist and they need to be pampered by cigarette butts and dry leaves and twigs and stones!
And that J.U. after dark is a rather attractive place and that theOlypub waiters whack itsy bitsy pegs for themselves while serving their valuable customers… and that 5th floors are undeniably attractive…

As 2007 approached, I had resolved to update me blog rather regularly… and it was yet another resolution down the drain… till today that is! The entry might be haphazard and incomprehensible but it’s a start… it calls for a drink… and it calls for smiles... silly stupid ones that I have hated all my life… J the types that make you blush, giggle and feel brilliant about everything around! Perhaps its all the alcohol that has accumulated over the past week and a half… perhaps its more…