love? chapter 2

forgive me for my past harsh post.

varun doesn't deserve the back biting. pain is inevitable.
neruda, eloquently sums up his saddest lines... and i whine... perhaos, there is beauty in pain. perhaps tears do make you see better... and perhaps, i, unlike the great poet fail to realize...

four years has been a long time, building a relationship on fantasies, on my part has been wrong... tonight, when i see it all fall apart, i have no1 to blame, but myself. relationships are a two way deal... dreams need to be reciprocated and understood... and i did not realise that, till now.

i'm trying to rebuild, with whatever i can salvage from the debris that remains from the past four years... good knows how many more months till i begin believing in love again... how many months, till i am able to look into his eyes and feel- something, anything... but, like i said, i'm a survivor, i'll survive...

yes, i shall be robbed of a few dreams, and what i though was the past shall haunt me... but i guess "fresh starts" are again limited merely to movies. even through the tears, i wish i could forget him somehow, and start afresh, in the true sense... love each expression on his face, enjoy the warmth of his body, without having pangs of pain shoot through my heart...

to err is human, they say, and we, as individuals have "erred" more than what can be counted. and each memory, remains fresh, with the pain that comes with it... i would like my memory to be rased, so i don't remember the past and then, i would love to meet him once more, at 6 in the morning, at howrah station, and take all back to the start. what i would not give for it...

love? (edited on 17.04.08)

all those, who have, like me, spent the greater part of their life, believing in the wonderful miracles of love and sniffling as movies like "shrek II" or "love actually" or "juno" draws to an end...

...should go jump off the nearest cliff.


love doesn't exist. movies fill your head with a lot of bullcrap that eventually leaves you in a world completely messed up.

have you ever seen a "harry met sally" or "you've got mail" or "shrek" or any other godforsaken sickeningly sweet romance shaping up in reality?

what about the cutest couple in your college/school/locality/blah? how cute are they a year into a relationship?

and, how come, movies, never warn anyone about what happens next? cuz, there are no such things as "happy endings",.

even the "happily ever afters" are a dreary routine, a sham that survives solely, for the sake of surviving, for love starved readers of the world, who tend to get more solace in books and movies than reality.

my advice: stop watching/ reading. you'll have a lot more peace of mind. you all deserve it!


p.s.- i shall kill all of you who ever told me that the significant v n i make the perfect couple... VERY painfully!

p.p.s.- and those who though we wouldn't survive, you are mistaken too.. its painful, but hell, i'm a helluva survivor!


p.p.p.s- excerpt from conversation:

me: heyyyyy!!

varun: hi

me: how was the day?

varun: okay

me: what didja do?

varun: i woke up at 5

me: and?

varun: nothin. what about u?

me: nothin much... had to sit fr 2 tests.

varun: ok, how were they?

me: ok... hopefully.

varun: so?

me: umm nothin.. so wassup?

varun: nothin

me: so?

varun: temme

me: nothin much.

varun: so?

me: so, we r back to the "so" game i see

varun: isn't it fun?



and we are a fuckin couple? i have to tolerate this every single day! and i seriously need to know, WHAT couples talk about, apart from the "so" game that is!