03

a long gap.

and now some more.

the exam was pretty much random. as expected. im not really bothering to elucidate much about that. pointless waste of time and energy.

of things worth mentioning. i still have a major dilli hangover.
i want to go back to the capital.
and the himalayas.
and local vodka!




hic.

02

2:15 a.m.

i leave for delhi tomorrow.
entrance exam awaits on the other side of the trip. gah.

killkillkillkillkill.
brainkill.

i shall be back soon. hopefully. to whine more. the woes of entrances gone wrong make excellent subject for blog entries.

the end

leaving the paraphernalia of the past behind.

i have a new blog now.

http://loonypages.blogspot.com/

01

8:35 p.m.

i have a new blog.
to keep myself occupied.


i dont know how much it will work and i really don't know whether i want it to work or not. over the past few months, life has been unbearable. there have been times when i have tried to get it to happen otherwise... but i don't know whether it can actually happen otherwise.

its unfair.
the very first post of the new blog is a rantrantrantrantrant deal. but i am barely in a mood for anything else. nothing seems to be nice. nothing makes me happy. i'm stuck in a rut that is proving to be incredibly difficult.
i don't know whether there is a way out anyway, and neither do i know whether i want a way out or not.
so all in all, i seem to be turning into all those people i had screamed at all my life. its ironic.
i need a break.
i need a life.
i need a joint.

bleh.

i should start working again.

all the free time and pseudo interest in education is getting to me.


employ me someone.... yes?

jobless.

pretty much sums me up.

spent the entire day smoking some greens from mangal singh and painting my room with poster colours.

everything's quite a colorful incomplete mess now.

should have done this years ago...





also. the promised pictures of the little wonders.

*drumroll*

the very beautiful

GINNNN!!!!






and

*drumroll again*

the very retarded

PYROOOOO!!!!







and

*wild cheering*

the completely clueless

THEM!!!!





a happy family we make.

*wild cheering/drumroll/et al*

2009 =O

i feel old already!
i feel this way every time a year ends.
hmph.

i have also managed to scratch the cornea of my eye. i thought it was cat/dog hair foe two days till the doc diagnosed it for me. bloody sadist refused to prescribe any anesthetic/sleeping pill/morphine for me pain. he shall rot in hell with ants jiving in his eye. SoB. him.

also, i am the latest outcast of my neighbourhood. i abused the laundryman's kids for beating up and killing a cat who loitered happily around my place. i abused them pretty bad. in bengali. and also some hindi for histrionic effect. i wasn't too affectionate towards the cat anyway, but her mother is indeed a sweet creature with one blue eye. and another green. i feel sorry for her. would spend most of the day with her child. but child was rather selfish. i shall not wash dirty laundry of the dead now.

i think i will get her home now. she needs company. gin likes her. pyro is as stupid as ever.

life is blissful thanks to medicineman!
i shit you not when i tell you it was good shit he prescribed for me! =D

the bucket list

i saw the bucket list... had it on my hard drive for ages... but finally chose to watch it this morning. and i realized that hell, i do have a list that i would wanna look at when i'm about to kick the bucket... i would wanna do something, nah, actually a lot of things before i finally die..

dunno when it will be, and i most definitely don't know how it will happen, but i know it will... hopefully later rather than sooner... and i guess i will have a dusty old blog to look at and remember some of the things that i would like to do...

1. disneyland! i definitely want to go to disneyland. with my parents and varun. get on the highest roller-coaster and scream my lungs out! i wanna have a beeeeeg candyfloss all by myself and cram lill candies in my mouth and chew like theres no tomorrow! i also wanna take millions of pics... happyt ones! perfect for happy family ads and frame em... and get hats with mickey ears and buy jawbreakers and keep on chewing on em and buy a lill glittery crown too!


2. africa! most definitely a must before i say tahs to life! i wanna go to africa and drink in the jeep and feel the sand mess up my hair real bad! i wanna watch glorious sunsets that i have so far seen only on screen and watch ze animals from zee close! also i would like to adopt a lill baby cute animal and bring it back home and love it to bits!!


3. sacrifice something really really precious for someone i love and not feel it till i think about it later and then smile fondly, knowing that it was all for a very good cause!


4. pick up a random kid from the street and give him/her a life that would make her happy. not adopt the kid, but pay for his/her education, higher education and attend his/her convocation.


5. apologize. to every1 i have ever hurt. doesn't matter if they hate me or the fact that we haven't talk to in ages. i wanna apologize... dunno if they will forgive me or ask me to fuck off... but at least i will feel lighter... knowing that i tried.


6. do a voiceover in a cartoon movie for a really hawt,spoilt,lazy cat. a female one. a white one. with a pink nose and pink paws.


7. do something for stray dogs. not show off like stupid animal activists and mint tonnes of cash. but actually do something. i hate seeing the dogs suffer on the street and all of you, who set eyes on this post, do me a favour... feed a dog a few biscuits today. its gonna be one good turn you will most definitely feel good about. and before you argue, lemme tell ye, stray dogs NEVER bite... unless u ofcourse manage to irritate the hell out of the poor creature. so don't kick, don't cuss... be nice to them. won't kill you if u r.


8. own a planetarium. get royally stoned and watch the stars go haywire, reclining on a plush red leather sofa and sip on a long island iced tea, made with red bull... ummm... actually, lets jus say, make tonnes of money and own a vijay mallya type villa somewhere and awl.. =P


9. trip on ecstacy. just once. just one fucking time... the only time i will indulge in substance abuse... but i will. preferably with some1 i truly like... but 1 time. i will.


10. plan out elaborate surprises for all those i love. just out of the blue. no occassion needed! usual stress-busting stuff.. done with a looooot of style!!



now, all i need is a partner in crime =P

and the kitteh's back and i has a new puplet! =D

i began december with bouts of heart-breaking, hysterical tears... my cat had found her way out, and decided to explore... and explore she did, enough to be reported missing!

but kind-hearted neighbours i have, they offered me orphan pup to deal with my awful loss... which wasn't a bad deal... a lill stray creature. incredibly cute, i shall add to that... and i took him in.

but my mind never really "accepted" him... till tonight that is... till my cat came back... with an incredibly handsome black n white male of the same kind! so now i know, that she not only is safe... but also has a roaring sex life! her love for the male is such, that she, the spoilt creature that she was, refuses to come back to the comforts of the house... but, she does indeed kick up a huge racket if food doesn't reach her on time... sigh.. these manipulative creatures! how i lov her and how shamelessly she takes advantage of me!
she broke my heart that little git! what lovely plans i had for her and dice... now, i just hope, she will soon deliver a batch of cute kittens. for the sake of her beauty!!
and double sigh, to realize, all grown up she be! =|

back to the puplet... he's called pyro. after days of contemplation (2 actually) we all decided on pyro! i wanted to call him davey jones, the pirate... he has this incredibly cute black patch over his right eye... davey jones was really an appropriate name for him! but amala di's lovely pronunciation led me to change my mind rapidly!
then came bird, suggested by the dilli connection, but the idea was promtly dropped! its an incredibly gay name for any male creature!
and smirnoff, courtsey mother darling... but that would mean too much of alcohol in the family. the cat's already called gin!
dad suggested reefer. i liked the name yes. but the others (read: mother=larger than life) vetoed it!
and amala di's wonderful contribution to the name list was doggie, which was quite... well.. obvious for a dog!
thus, we decided on pyro. short for pirate. i would like to believe. and every1 was happy. so the name stuck.
i'm sure he will soon face an identity crisis... all pets in the house, are subjected to name changes every few months. gin had a lovely plethora of names to boast of till she ran... and she shall have more now that she's back!

pictures of the new acquisition will be put up... in due course of time! would have done it immediately, but all usb ports of my computer are currently in mode: rebel! sigh.

thus till the time pictures are up, i would ask ye all, to close your eyes and think or a lill stray puplet.. white in colour. with brown ears and a black eye patch over the right eye. a brown spot on the tummy and one on the bum! easy to imagine! =P
i love that little runt! i really do!!
I FINALLY HAVE A DAWGIE OF MY OWN!!! =D

i have a psychotic cat.

an evil psychotic cat. and i am goddamned sure she needs psychiatric help.




for the past 3 weeks, she has found a new sunday activity: thieving! she does not steal fish or eggs or meat. for some strange reason, she has a tremendous fascination towards the bright yellow (in and some cases very dirty greyish yellow) scotch brites! i have been having a rather hard time explaining to my neighbours WHY this silly little cat of mine steals the like. she also steals steel wool. and sometimes bits of paper and sponge.

in a way, it is rather good... as soon as i can convince my mother the cat's loot is perfectly usable, we won't need to shop for kitchen goods anymore. maybe, we can also train her to steal utensils when she gets bigger.


she is a junkie too.
all the years i have spent with cats, i have never seen one behave like her around an uncapped microtip pen...
you open the pen and she comes leaping and bounding to sniff it. you place the cap where it rightfully belongs, she claws your hand. damn! i have a 5 month old junkie kitten as a pet!! life couldn't be more perfect!!!

also, i am in love.... all over again. madly. patrick verona is the most perfect guy..... EVER!!!
bless ledger for making me fall in love a million times with this man! bless ledger for playing him to perfection!
curse ledger to make me feel like a necrophiliac everytime i drool madly over mr. verona, admiring his perfection.







look at him you all... is he just not perfect? the eyes, oh! the eyes!
the slight raise of that delicious mouth at the very corner... the very corners of his perfect mouth!
the hair! the neck!
the face!
ain't he beautiful?
sigh....
i burn! i pine! i perish... waiting for mr. verona to arrive in my life and sweep me off my feet drive me to the nearest pub and get drunk silly with me!
gil junger should be awarded, a late one yes, but an award nonetheless!
by giving to the world 10 things i hate about you, he gave me, my most perfect man... the fire that was lit five odd years ago has been rekindled a few days ago. on star movies of course. and i am in love!!!! all over agian!!!! :D

ok, enough of the unecessary drama. it makes me giddy with the sudden movement of my upcheck reflexes.


aaaaaaand,i shall be back to blog sooner than later now onwards, with the exams looming ahead, larger than life, i suddenly feel more affectionate towards this dust-gathering blog of mine... i think.

inked!??!

there is nothing. absolutely nothing to write about.

the world indeed is a very boring place. sigh. there is absolutely NOTHING happening... not even in the little world up in between my eyes. except for bright, bright, bright colours, there is nothing i see these days... not that i am interested much....


of news about my life, apart from turning into a complete tree-hugging hippie. i have no secrets to disclose of... apart from the incomplete tattoo...
i finally did muster enough courage to go get myself inked. and got myself stoned proper too, so that i don't endure the pain.
but alas! my paranoia took over my system and an hour or a little more later, i was left stranded with something that looks vaguely like a yin-yang symbol with a little box underneath the whack 69ish yin-yang outline... bang in the middle of my back!!! woe!! the incomplete deal... it is solely for that i was unable to wear a sharee this pujo (not that it mattered much) and it is solely for i make sure i am facing my mother ALL THE TIME...
i did ask her if i could get a tattoo... and she said "no" and by then, i was half inked already!! :| i am rather silly about matters like these.
the tattoo that looked so pretty on paper is a rather vague scratch on my back! funny thing is that i get reminders to get the tattoo completed, but something, seems to hold me back!
ok! fine! i still am paranoid for the feeling of needle pinching and piercing through your skin ain't the most comfortable thing to think about. fine, i didn't rally feel much till the very end of the inking session thanks to weed and the local anesthesia cream that was very liberally applied... but yes, i keep pushing the rest of the "ordeal" further and further away... hoping some miracle will happen and i will wake up with the tattoo completed on my back... no such thing happens though... sigh!!!

and yes, i completely trust ALL those who read this post, roll their eyes and say "only you are capable of this!" for it has been well more than a month that i have half a tattoo on my back!! :P

but yes my friends, i assure you that once i do manage to get this completed, i will get 2 more done!! :D

random.

i like being a wastrel... i really do!
its a brilliant way of life...lazing around without having anything to do, any deadlines to meet.. now that i sit at home, enjoying my extended holiday, i have quite made up my mind to quit my job. its getting rather... well... boring in ways more than one.

its been rather long since i last blogged.. i wonder what kept me from it for such a loong, looong time!
i jus guess i was too lazy to type out coherent sentences. i guess, i still am not that coherent enough...

perhaps cuz, i really don't have much to do... apart frm eat and sleep and pamper gin..who in turn has become quite the pretty spoilt brat... takes after me.. sigh. its so touching to see my child grow so rapidly!

but, there is indeed exciting news...
THE BEST FRIEND'S back in town! after months of separation, she is back, and so is DADEE so finally, we are all a very happy family, who can actually meet up and go out together and not utilize gtalk like possessed souls!

and now, i am rather bored again... i think i shall go sleep some.

p.s.- i love arjun rampal! i LOOOOOVVEEE arjun rampal.... liek mad! someone, off my lovely bloglist, will set us up... yes?

......

i saw "i'm not there" the other day. robbie broke my heart... he really did. in real... and now, even on reel. i don't blame him. the goodlooking bugger. i really don't. but somehow, the pain lingers and someday, maybe just some day, we all shall look back and smile. till then, i shall thank the internet that successfully hides my facial expressions and lets me type cheerful sentences. i love the veneer that modern day technology offers to me.
makes life easier...

three cheers to catoplasty!

its a weird situation...
life really isn't that bad for me, yet, it makes me tear my hair and scream in sheer frustration.


two partitions of my hard disk crashed night before last. i have lost 12 gb of movies. 12 gb of stuff including my favourite movies, awesome music and the first 7 seasons of south park. i will sue eset nod 32 anti-virus.
i will, with my bare hands kill, KILL those ridiculous asswipes who can't do a better job at programming anti-viruses!! GAH!

and gin is unwell... :( she is extremely unwell... the lill ball of fur stays curled up in one corner of my bed, battling a horrible virus that has attacked her stomach. fine, she is a stupid kitten who consumes copious amounts of leaves and pink flowers and then poops equally copious amounts of green poop and then collapses miserably on one end of the bed...
but my heart breaks to see her in such a condition. im used to the lill creature jumping and meowing and throwing royal tantrums... to give her so many medicines one after the otherand to see her takin em all faithfully with the saddest expression in her eyes. my heart breaks into a million bits.. and i refuse to go to college or work and spend very unproductive afternoons trying to spoil her even more..









sighh... the life of a cat.. i wonder why we don't have a choice to convert ourselves into cats after extensive surgeries... roy and i both agree, if no1 else, we shall promote catoplasty to high heavens! and this is an earnest call to all the lazybones around... those who like being pampered and being showered with affection... please join together and demand the invention of catoplasty... as far as i am concerned... it is the path that leads to world peace, moksha, nirvana, et al.


aaaand i have a new job. as a pr personnel. it's pretty much a "smile and wave" routine! of course, what else could i expect out of pr.
remind me, why exactly did i take this up?

ginnnnn

i have a new kitten!!!

thanks to nandini... i have a new kitten!

she is not only a beautiful creature, but incredibly well mannered too!
off all the cats i have and have ever had... she is the only one who doesn't fuss much about taking medicines. they taste really awful, but still, the sweetheart she is, doesn't fuss or scratch!
she drinks water with pleasure as well... and is perfectly potty trained too!! :-D

p.s.- she has been christened gin

and age piled on

i turned 22 yesterday.
i don't feel any different. apart from massively depressed, i can't feel much at this point of time.
fine, i overdid it with the revelry tonight. fine i paid a bit too much of heed to my ego tonight. but that doesn't justify me being such a glutton for punishment. over and over again.

for some1, who has had a pretty great birthday week, i feel disgusted. with myself, more than anyone else. i really should learn... i really should. from the past wounds and scars and scratches.

but the idiot i am, i keep confusing myself with some exotic phoenix. "rising from the ashes in full bloom" and blah. it doesn't happen. if i had been a slightly more positive person, i it might have worked. the histrionic pleasures might have offered to me some bit of solace. it really doesn't as i clearly am that girl who lives her past... every living moment. its depressive. i think i am a maniacal depression junkie. far removed from what people think of me. i love my shiny happy fits of rage. and i love making myself go through those very processes over and over again.

ha ha ha.

aren't we all trapped behind a mask? sometimes, i think i need to be locked up... and away. in some gloomy whitewashed asylum cell. the only thing that can save me from my mind manipulating me into doing things that somehow end up being wrong. inevitably.

its funny. funnier that the funniest trip i've ever ha. funnier than the flying pig song. funnier than cartman.

this is in no way a vendetta against my friends. they are lovely people. trying to make my world a slightly happier one. they succeed. maybe, they don't. but thats just because i'm such a depression junkie. its worse than bulemia. i love it.

masochist i am.

and guilty too. i shouldn't be.... doing quite a number of things that i am doing now... i've done over the past few days... keep doing over and over again.

momentarily, i was happy. without south park. without weed. without narnia. without excuses.

it was my birthday. i loved the gifts and the booze and the surprises and the cake.

i shall not go out of my way to be mean. but i am back to feeling like the grumbly old lady i usually feel like. maniac. i. i should be 88. not less. thats the only age that justifies my sober state of mind. alone. over gtalk. in my room. far away from prying eyes.

i'm using way to many full-stops. cuz, i know that this is another full-on rant, trying to make me feel better. it is. and its foolish. funny. freaky. frumpy. i alliterated. yay. i should be proud.

my birthday has vanished in a nonmagical poof of dust ball.

i feel lame. lameass.

i shoudn't be shedding tears. not now. i shouldn't be the depression junkie.




soooooo, owing to a completely freaky change in mood, i decide that i am 16. yes. 16. not more, not less. i act like one. a complete idiot. its better. not thinking. being in the perpetual state of mindlessness that i had managed to trap myself into. it was fun. i was fun. i shouldn't allow people to urge/inspire/force me to think. it does terrible things to my ming. for i, am a regular depression junkie.

i have had it. i'm off to cower in a friendly corner and get my mind back in order. i hope, i shall be back soon. i know i shan't delete this blog. but i hope, i get enough affection to come back and write mindlessly amusing rants. not mindfucking ones. especially if they r fucking my mind so bad while i keep fingering the darned keyboard.

screw you guys (yes, if you think u r them, then u r them. i shan't bother explaining who that was for. not now. not ever.). i'm going home. (for a few days)

the world, as we know it... is actually an incredibly nice place... where out of the blue, nice things keeps happening, to people i know!
and for once, i really don't feel grumpy about nice things not happening to me or the like.
i feel tremendously elated as i keep od-ing on all the sweet things in life!

sighhh!!!

shoi

shoi left. for pune. technically, she is still in town, perhaps, at howrah station, waiting for the train to budge and journey towards maharashtra, but, she still is far, from the peach walls, the reddish floors, the blue loo and the friendly banter.

i never thought i would miss her such a lot. not already at least.
its crazy, the way, every little conversation seems to be coming back to me... from class 6 onwards, when we sat next to each other for the first time... she was the pen eating cat... and me the book-eater.. childish wiles thes, and yet, i long to go back, and sit in the very last row, which comprised of those four rickety chairs and desks and giggle while some lame ass teacher taught n class.

its strange... growing up with some-one and then one fin day seeing her one last time before she boards the train for some godforsakencity!

i am not insecure... never for a moment do i feel that she will never call me up or ignore my calls, for i know, wherever we are, we shall be in touch... she had herself told me so while leaving school... and i trust those words. more than a lot of things, people and incidents.






i love shoi. it's slightly late for the realization. i love her. in a strictly non-lesbian way. i love her for all that she has confided in me, for all the wonderful times she has shared with me, for all the times she was there, rock steady and dominating, fishing me out of trouble and even threatening me with dire consequences in order to keep me safe. i love her, for helping me, through thick and thin, sticking by, even when i have been displaying my most difficult behaviour. for years and years, even at her most irritating best, she has been that happy spot in my life which has never let me down.

and finally, i love her, for all the times she has satiated my insatiable appetite when stoned. and i love her, for making me feel like a nice person, even when i have been a really mean pig!

i shall be lonely, tremendously, when i shall b sitting alone in my room, on a random summer afternoon, smoking up. for it was only a few months back that she sat there, with me and smoked and laughed. i shall be lonely when i go to salt lake, for it has been there, that i have spent a great part of the past three years, in and out of loos, in a varying states of stoned delirium, paranoia, hysteria and starvation!

i shall miss her, while making random plans with friends and colleagues. and i shall miss her every time i take a puff of the spliff...

i am selfish, incredibly, and keep hoping that by some stroke of miracle, she comes back... and stays here for good.

i know, such is not about to happen... for the next two years at least... till then, i shall see her ever so seldom, once in every four months and then bug her on various networking sites, till she comes back for yet another vacation.

thus, till november/december/whenever she comes back... she will be much missed.

thus the rant ran...

i think i've had it... most of it actually.
i spend my days, like a wastrel, with nothing to do, apart from smokin pot and reading. its not good fun. when all you do is smoke pot and read.
i know, i should go out, soak up the bright brilliant cruel sun and let myself enjoy the evils summer has to offer us. but, sanity prevents me from going ahead. i much rather nurture the glutton in me, and see myself add layer after layer of fat on my body. sigh.


the past week has been a flurry of events... i went out with a beautiful creature, had lovely times, the two of us.. and even married her on facebook. on that front, life has been blissful. otherwise, i..
well... it isn't everyday that the friendly neighbourhood metro ticket guy cons you and sells you cheaper tickets and you are hauled up to a small dingy office, full of men in blue and are forced to shell out the "fine", which they reduce by half, as they take "pity" on two rather horrified young women, stuttering and stammering!! it is exactly at those times, that i thank the press and the power that it possesses! and i also thank god for letting me and divi have functional brains that allow us to come up with fictitious names and addresses in a jiffy! exciting it maybe, but for a weak heart like mine, it was rather... well... traumatising!


i think i need a holiday...

moreover, i am rather tired with the people i have to deal with on a very regular basis.. one minute they are dissing at me in public forums and in the next, they urge me to help them solve their trauma inducing problems. such hypocrisy, is not needed... at least, i can do without the bit of histrionics in my very mundane and regular life.

i want south park, with all its characters to exist in full glory. i need to go there and return to my childhood and hang out with cartman. how a child, can be such a genius is beyond my belief... and reasoning. his evilness is a by-product of pure genius, and his love for cats, a commendable act! how much i love cartman, i cannot explain in words... it's a terribly difficult thing to do... expressing my affections for what i had been... and happily still am.

oh the joys of being evil... the joys of laughing at some1's face and hating them since they belong to a completely different community. good fun... that is.

the first cartman episode actually did bring an immense amount of warm, glorious joy in my life... to know that somewhere, exists a mind, as intolerant and as gluttonous as i am.. or at least, a mind, warped enough to come up with cartman.. it's a relief!

and that reminds me, on the fateful day of the metro disaster, i discovered a few important facts of life...
in conversation with diviani, i got to know how rich old sheiks offer to buy the young pretty uns for a lot of money... which actually got me thinking... these sheiks are really old, and erections are bound to be rare... and yet they invest in these beautiful uns... and i came to the conclusion...
that they indeed invest in order to get themselves some super-pervie fun at the super-pervie parties they go to with their camels, dogs and snakes... a creepy thought and marquis de sade would have been proud of my thought process, but it is indeed a logical one... i am sure.

and then there is sex... when you get it, it's not really much thought about... but when you don't, you realize what you have been deprived of...

and travelling on to a completely different thought process, i shall now proudly declare that i, solo, have decided to quit smoking cigarettes. it is a rather boring habit... and with the inflation... corners do indeed need to be cut... especially if you fall in the large bracket of semi employed individuals, who hang their hopes on to unethical organizations, who refuse to pay them on time, and then blame them for not being serious about the work the minute the very first trace of irresponsibility is noticed. bitches, these men and women are, who exploit helpless youngsters in such manners. they should rot in hell and wake up next to saddam hussain there every morning.

thus, apart from the potty smoke (which cannot go... EVER), all things stuffed with tobacco is forsaken... this moment onwards.

DISCLAIMER

for those who haven't yet...
you MUST absolutely watch AUGUST RUSH.
beg, borrow, steal, download.... do whatever... but watch.

and since i am still facing a sever case of writer's block.. i shall myself and wait, for the trauma to pass... and for me to get back to my old "garrulous" self